


No Longer the Bad Guy

by ArtemisLiCa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 14:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4224636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisLiCa/pseuds/ArtemisLiCa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Hermione have a plan, Ron is freaking out and Severus Snape is getting worried. (Warning: Crack!fic...with plot?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Longer the Bad Guy

            Harry sat in the living room of the Grangers’ house and watched television. After defeating Voldemort at the end of the previous school year, Harry had needed a break from the wizarding world before returning to Hogwarts for his final year. Hermione’s parents were happy to offer to let him stay with them. Harry wondered just what Hermione had told them.

            “Harry!” Hermione said as she rushed into the room. “Come listen to this!” She rushed back out.

            Harry got up and followed her, curious. He found her in the kitchen, gesturing excitedly at the radio.

            “Listen, Harry! Listen!” She waved her wand at the radio and suddenly a song began to play from the beginning again.

            Harry looked at his best friend as if she had lost her mind, but listened to the song she had charmed the radio to play. He blinked. “’Mione, could you play that again?”

            She nodded and flicked her wand towards the radio. The song played again. When it was over, Hermione had tears in her eyes and Harry was stunned.

            “Oh, Harry. What are we going to do?” Hermione whispered.

            Harry squared his shoulders. “Well, I think that’s obvious, Hermione. We try to make it better.”

            Hermione’s eyes widened. “Do you think we can?”

            Harry looked at her, determined. “Not completely, but we have to at least try.”

            Hermione nodded. “You’re right. I’ll go check our library. I think my mother keeps a section of books that might help us. Should we owl Ron, do you think?”

            Harry shook his head. “I think this is a conversation we should have in person. Why don’t I come to the library with you? Different perspectives on the same subject might be useful.”

            They headed to the library.

**********************************

            “Harry! Hermione!” Ron shouted at them from across the platform.

            Harry and Hermione walked over to him quickly.

            “Ron! Good to see you again. How was your summer?” Hermione asked as she hugged Ron.

            Ron blushed bright red. “It was alright, ‘Mione. Would have been better if you and Harry had come by the Burrow.”

            Harry gave him an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Ron. I just needed to get away.”

            Ron nodded. “I can understand, Harry.”

            The rest of the Weasleys greeted Harry and Hermione. Finally they escaped from the boisterous crowd of redheads. The three friends walked towards the train.

            “Hey, did you two hear? Professor Lupin is coming back. Dumbledore made him the DADA professor permanently!” Ron grimaced. “I can’t believe they let the greasy old bat come back and teach Potions again, though.”

            Harry and Hermione shared a look. As they went up the steps onto the train, Harry leaned forward and whispered in Hermione’s ear, “Change of plans? Tell Ron only if we have to?”

            Hermione nodded her head as she followed Ron down the corridor to an empty compartment. They spent the ride catching up and talking about their summers.

************************************

            Harry sat next to Hermione during the Welcome Feast. As Dumbledore gave his speech, Hermione leaned over and whispered to Harry.

            “Implement Phase One now?” she asked.

            Harry nodded. “I’ll cover you.”

            Hermione pulled something out of her bag under the table. As she waved her wand and muttered under her breath, Harry kept an eye on everyone around them and on the professors sitting up at the Head Table. When she was finished they both looked up at the Head Table to gage the effect of their efforts.

            They watched as Severus Snape frowned down at the little gift that had appeared next to his plate. He subtly waved his wand over the gift, clearly addressed to him, checking for hexes and curses. Finding none, he frowned and slipped the little box into his pocket.

            Harry and Hermione grinned at each other before turning back to Dumbledore’s speech.

************************************

            After the feast, down in the dungeons, Severus Snape sat in his quarters and looked at the gift that had appeared next to his plate in the Great Hall. Frowning, he checked it once more for curses and hexes. Again, he found none.

            He looked at the box for several minutes before he finally opened it. Inside were a small bouquet and a note. He read the note: _Professor Snape. It is good to see you returning to Hogwarts. A man of your intelligence and skill could not be replaced and Hogwarts would have suffered without you._ There was no signature.

            Snape looked back at the small bouquet. He frowned and looked closer. The bouquet was made up of herbs difficult to find in the wizarding apothecaries…but easily found among muggles. All of the herbs were extremely useful in making potions.

            He continued to frown as he tried to determine the identity of the person who had sent the gift.

**********************************

            A few weeks later, Harry and Hermione were in the library talking.

            “I think it’s time to move to Phase Two,” Harry said. “We’ve sent the bouquets every few days and now we are out of the herbs. Are you sure about this, though, Hermione?”

            She nodded. “Absolutely. After all, the herbs were mostly ones hard to find among wizards but easy to find among muggles. He won’t learn anything new by us sending him the-”

            “Harry? Hermione? What are you two talking about?” Ron asked, suddenly appearing by their table.

            Hermione barely restrained herself from giving a shriek of surprise. “Ron! You scared me!” she hissed.

            Ron looked determined. “Sorry. Just wondering what it was you two were hiding from me. After everything we have been through together, I thought you two trusted me.”

            Harry frowned. “We do. It’s not that we don’t trust you, Ron. It’s just-some things are easier to talk to Hermione about.”

            “Like what?” Ron asked belligerently.

            “Well,” Harry said reasonably. “Like whether or not she agrees with me about certain guys being hot.”

            Ron stared at Harry and then blushed. Hermione managed, barely, to stop from gasping at Harry’s words.

            “You’re, uh, gay, mate?” Ron asked.

            Harry nodded. “Yeah. Is that a problem?”

            “Uh, no. Just thought, you know, after Cho…and Ginny…” Ron shrugged.

            Harry shrugged too. “How do you think I figured out I liked guys? Had to at least give girls a chance, right?”

            “Uh, right.” Ron looked at Harry for a moment and then frowned. “Hey, wait! Why are you talking to Hermione about other guys being hot? She’s my girlfriend. You’re not supposed to be encouraging her to look at other guys, Harry!”

            Harry snickered. “Well, would you rather I talked to you about it, Ron?”

            Ron frowned and thought about it. “Well…as long as you didn’t want to go into details about, uh, things.”

            Harry and Hermione both looked at him, wide-eyed.

            “What? Harry, you’re my best mate. You can talk to me about anything!” Ron said indignantly.

            Harry grinned. “Yeah?”

            “Yeah.” Ron nodded his head.

*********************************

            That night, Severus Snape entered his quarters in the dungeons and sat in his chair by the fire. He again checked the gift addressed to him for curses and hexes. As always, he found none.

            He opened the brightly wrapped box, expecting more herbs. Instead he saw round blobs of color. He frowned at it before reading the attached note.

            _Professor Snape. These are called stress-relief balls. The instructions are underneath them. I know that you must find your job to be stressful at times, dealing with unruly students among other things. I hope these bring you some measure of stress relief._

            Again there was no signature.

            Snape frowned and looked at the various balls in the box. He picked them up one at a time. The first was a black one emblazoned with the words ‘You Rock!’ on one side. He snorted and move to the next. It was a bright yellow ball decorated as a smiley face. He grimaced and moved on.

            There was a white one with a face, a blue one with strings, one that was clear and filled with a blue liquid and had some kind of fish in it, and a purple one covered in a net. There was one that looked quite a bit like the Headmaster and several that looked like foods.

            He frowned as he realized there were far more than should be able to fit inside the small box. After pulling out several more of the colorful balls, he finally reached the bottom of the box. He read the instructions and then snorted.

            He looked over the collection of stress-relief balls covering his coffee table. Smirking, he picked up the one that looked like a smiley face and squeezed.

****************************

            “Oh! Look, Harry!” Hermione said excitedly the next morning at breakfast.

            Harry turned to look and saw the Potions professor smirking at his breakfast. Harry smiled at Hermione.

            She leaned close. “Do you think we should have sent them one at a time or maybe just a few at a time rather than all at once like that?”

            Harry shook his head. “I think it was better to send them all at once. Better that way. More likely he’ll find one he likes and won’t just toss them out.”

            Hermione nodded.

            Ron leaned over. “Oi! What’s going on?”

            “Just telling Hermione that Justin looks much cuter with his hair cut like that,” Harry said, straight-faced.

            “Uh…right,” Ron said, blushing and turning back to his food.

            Hermione giggled.

************************************

            “Hermione. I think it’s time to move on to Phase Three,” Harry said at lunch a few weeks later.

            Hermione grinned. “I think Phase Two was a complete success, Harry! Have you noticed how much more relaxed he’s been lately?”

            Harry returned the grin. “Yeah. I bet he uses the one that looks like the Headmaster!”

            “Nuh-uh. I bet he uses the black one that says ‘You Rock!’ on it,” Hermione said before giggling.

            “Well, it’s my turn to send the gift. I was thinking. Since this one is bigger, we shouldn’t send it during the meal. He might get embarrassed if someone noticed and asked about it. I’m going to try to send it to his office while I’m in class. Will you cover for me in Transfiguration?”

            Hermione nodded.

            “Right. Well, then, I’ll go get it now. I’ll be back in time for class.” Harry took a last drink and then stood and left the table.

            As soon as he was gone, Ron moved closer to Hermione. “Okay, ‘Mione. Are you going to tell me what’s really going on? You and Harry are having an awful lot of private discussions to just be talking about boys.”

            “Er,” Hermione said. “Well, you see…it’s more that Harry is interested in one particular…male. He has asked my help to gain his…interest’s attention.” She blushed at her lie and fled from the table.

************************************

            In Transfiguration, Hermione managed to distract both Ron and Professor McGonagall from Harry by turning her pillow into an armadillo rather than a mouse as the class had been instructed.

************************************

            Severus Snape frowned when he walked into his office after his last class of the day and saw a brightly colored package sitting on his desk. After the usual check, he opened it. His brows rose as he looked through the collection of books in the box.

            There were a few on something called Yoga and some on meditation. There were also some that appeared to be…joke books. There were two that contained optical illusions. There were three books on something called Feng Shui. There were a couple of books on great works of art and two books of pictures of beautiful landscapes and scenes.

            He found the note under the last book.

            _Professor Snape. While perhaps nothing along the lines of your usual reading material, this collection of books should offer at least something new for you. Perhaps you will find something you enjoy among them?_

            As always, there was no signature. Snape frowned. He thought it ridiculous to think a student might have a crush on him, but these gifts were really beginning to worry him. And he still had no idea who would send him such gifts. Pureblood students didn’t have the knowledge of muggle things to be responsible and most muggleborn students hated him. He had definitely ruled out all members of the staff.

            He check the box, but as usual whatever spell was used to send the gift to him effectively hid the magical signature of the one who sent it.

            Turning back to the collection of books, he picked up one of the optical illusion books.

*********************************

            Three weeks later, in the Great Hall during dinner Hermione suddenly leaned over and whispered in Harry’s ear, “Harry! Look! He _smiled_! Not a smirk but a genuine smile! It was a little one, a really little one, but it was definitely there!”

            Harry grinned at her. “So we’re ready for Phase Four?”

            “I think so! We’re busy with homework the next two nights, but the night after should be perfect, don’t you think?” She whispered excitedly.

            Harry shot a quick look up at the Head Table. Professor Snape had looked much more relaxed as the school year wore on, but tonight there was just the tiniest smile hovering around his lips. “Definitely!”

            The excited friends never noticed the frowning red-head watching their exchange.

*******************************

            Two nights later, Harry and Hermione sneaked down to the dungeons.

            “I still say we should have gotten him a Furby,” Harry muttered.

            “Oh, come on, Harry! Next you’ll be suggesting we should have gotten him a Pygmy Puff,” Hermione said and rolled her eyes.

            Harry looked at her incredulously. “Hermione,” Harry said, gesturing to the white, wiggling armful she carried, “we’re giving him a white rabbit. The only way we could have chosen something cuter and furrier that was still muggle would have been if we had gotten him a kitten!”

            Hermione blushed. “Well, I’m sorry, Harry. I just couldn’t picture Professor Snape with a Furby.”

            “Professor Snape?!”

            The two spun around quickly, looking for their red-headed friend. They watched Ron emerge from under Harry’s invisibility cloak.

            “Well, that explains where that went,” Harry said.

            “Harry, tell me she’s joking,” Ron said in horror. “I mean, I don’t care if you are gay, but _please_! Anyone but Snape!”

            Harry shot Hermione a startled look. She blushed and said, “I’ll explain later.”

            Harry looked at Ron, still muttering about how Harry could like anyone but _Snape_ , and whispered, “I’ll distract him. You grab the invisibility cloak and take care of Phase Four!”

            “But how-? Eeep!” Hermione squeaked as Harry tackled Ron to the ground. However, being the quick-witted witch that she was, she took advantage of the distraction to grab the cloak and run off down the corridor towards Professor Snape’s office.

            Harry, on the other hand, grappled with Ron on the floor. He wasn’t trying to fight him, just keep him distracted. Ron, for his part, was surprised, but having grown up in a houseful of older brothers started trying to defend himself automatically.

            “Well, if this isn’t a special treat. What are Potty and the Weasel doing in the dungeons?” Draco Malfoy drawled.

            The two Gryffindors on the ground stopped and looked up at the Slytherin. After the defeat of Voldemort and the subsequent freedom of his family, Draco had been much more tolerable. He still insulted Harry and his friends, but there was no real malice in it anymore.

            Harry gave Draco a dazed look as he stood to his feet. Harry gave Ron a questioning look when Ron remained on the floor, hoping his friend wasn’t too badly hurt. Ron stared at Harry and then at Draco. Suddenly he wailed and threw his arms around Harry’s legs.

            “Anyone else, Harry! Please, don’t do this to me! Please anyone but Malfoy! Tell me you wouldn’t!”

            Harry, who _had_ developed a rather strong interest in the Slytherin, blushed. Okay, so maybe it was more of an obsession turned acceptable, no-longer-in-denial crush, but still.

            Draco just watched the red-head’s antics in shock. He looked back and forth between Harry and Ron.

            Before the situation could get any further out of hand, Harry felt a tug on the back of his robes. “Um, Ron, could we not do this here? Why don’t we go back to the common room and talk?”

            Ron shot to his feet. “Right! Great idea! Let’s go, Harry.” Ron kept his body between Harry and Draco and literally pulled Harry down the corridor away from the still stunned Slytherin.

*****************************

            Severus Snape, feared Potions professor of Hogwarts, sat in his living room in the dungeons idly stroking the white fur of his latest gift.

            He had no idea how the rabbit had gotten into his office. The note accompanying this gift had said only: _Professor Snape. You don’t deserve to be alone any longer._

            Snape still could not figure out who was responsible for his gifts. He was hesitant to make the rather horrifying assumption that someone had a crush on him. Having decided that the gift most certainly came from a student, he really hoped it was some kind of joke or prank or dare gone wrong and **_not_** some student with a crush on him.

            Snape brought himself out of his thoughts and looked down at his new pet. “Well, what shall I call you then?”

****************************

            It was a full two weeks before Harry could catch a moment to speak with Hermione alone.

            “Hermione!” Harry pulled her into one corner of the common room. Ron was currently across the room playing Exploding Snap with Neville. “What did you say to Ron to make him freak out like that? And why has he kept giving me those _looks_? Every time he looks at me he looks like he’s about to cry!”

            Hermione blushed. “Well, he cornered me and asked what we were up to. I had to tell him something! So, I went with your excuse, but I, um, added to it a little bit.”

            “What does that mean?”

            “I told Ron you were interested in someone and you wanted me to help you get his attention.”

            Harry blinked and then laughed. “And that night he came to the conclusion I’m after Snape?”

            Hermione blushed again. “I guess so.” She gave him a curious look. “What was that all about with Malfoy? Why has Ron been acting weird anytime Malfoy comes around or his name comes up?”

            Harry blushed and groaned. “Well, Ron kept saying anyone but Snape. I had no idea what he was talking about. Well, Dr-uh, Malfoy came across us and somehow Ron seemed to think I was moving from Snape to Malfoy. Now that I know what you told him, I guess he thinks I like Malfoy.” Harry shrugged.

            Hermione grinned. “Draco?”

            Harry blushed again. “Oh, shut up, Hermione.”

            Hermione laughed. “So. Phase Five. Ready?”

************************************

            At the end of the next NEWT-level Potions class (which Hermione had elected not to take) Harry and Ron cleaned up their workstation. Harry grew more and more nervous as the end of class approached. He didn’t even spare any attention for his usual covert looks at Draco…more specifically at Draco’s ass.

            Fortunately, Hermione had helped Harry with his excuse to Ron so Ron would not wait for Harry after class. That was one less worry for Harry then. Harry still thought Hermione should have been the one to implement this phase of the plan. After all, what if all of their hard work was ruined because it was Harry who implemented this phase of the plan? But Hermione insisted that it would be best if Harry were the one to do it and Harry and finally agreed.

            The end of class came and as soon as Snape dismissed the class Ron left. Harry was too nervous to notice the frown Draco sent his way after he saw Ron rush out the door.

            When he was finally alone with Snape, Harry wiped his sweaty palms on his robes and approached the Potion Master’s desk.

            Severus frowned as he watched Potter approached his desk. Potter had been more distracted than usual today and now he seemed extremely nervous. He stood in front of his desk and waited.

            “Um, Professor?” Harry asked nervously.

            Snape’s brows rose in surprise. Potter never addressed him so respectfully, especially when they were alone. “What can I do for you, Mr. Potter?”

            Harry gave him a shy smile. “Uh, I just wanted to, um, say…” Harry took a deep breath. “I think you are a great teacher. You are doing a wonderful job and Hogwarts is lucky you decided to return this year.”

            Snape stared at Harry in shock and then in growing horror. “Potter, are you the one who has been sending me gifts?”

            Harry blushed and nodded.

            “Potter, tell me it was some kind of joke or some prank or-”

            Harry looked horrified. “Oh, no! No, Professor, it was nothing like that!”

            Severus swallowed. “Potter…surely you don’t think…please tell me you are not about to declare you are in love with me or some such thing.”

            Harry blinked and then smiled slightly. “No, Professor. It’s not like that.” He thought for a moment. “Actually…you see, I kind of like Draco.” Harry looked wistful.

            Severus breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, then. Next class I will switch your partners and you and Draco can work together. Perhaps that will give you an excuse to get closer to him,” Severus said. _Just in case_ , he thought.

            Harry blinked. “Really?” he asked excitedly.

            Snape nodded his head once.

            Harry kind of, sort of, maybe might have squealed…right before he threw his arms around his Potions professor. “Oh, thank you. Thank you!”

            Severus looked down at his student in alarm. “Mr. Potter, what do you think you are doing?!”

            Harry looked up at the man standing stiffly in his embrace. “Well, I’m hugging you, Professor.”

            “Why?!”

            Harry blinked. “Um, because I want to?”

            Snape was even more alarmed. “Potter-”

            Harry, seeing his Professor’s distress, let go and stepped back. “Um, I really just wanted to say I think you are wonderful.” Harry beamed up at the man.

            Severus stared at the young man in front of him in horror. “You are sure you don’t have a crush on me, Potter?”

            “Yes, I’m sure.”

            “Right,” Severus said, sighing in relief.

            Harry gave him a thoughtful look. “Are you seeing someone, Professor? Is that why you were so worried I might have a crush on you?”

            Snape snorted. “No, I am not seeing anyone. Not that it’s any of your business, Potter.” He frowned at the boy in front of him.

            Harry frowned. “Is it because I’m a guy?”

            Snape frowned. “No. I happen to be gay. Also not your business.”

            Harry just looked at his professor expectantly.

            Snape sighed. “Potter, you are my student and considerably younger than I am. One of the many benefits to my reputation is that none of the students ever think to develop any kind of foolish crush on me or any such thing.” He gave a shudder of revulsion, thinking of the student’s reactions to Lockhart.

            “Oh.” Harry nodded. “Well, have a good day, Professor.”

            “You too.” Severus was too relieved to worry about his polite response.

            Harry smiled brightly and left.

**********************************

            “Hermione!”

            “Harry! How did it go?” Hermione sat on the edge of her seat in the Gryffindor common room.

            “Phase Six!” Harry said, sitting down beside her.

            Hermione blinked. “Phase Six?” She was confused. Their plan had only had five phases. After consulting her mother’s psychology books they had agreed to a five stage plan to try and free their professor from his emotional isolation.

            Harry nodded and told her about his private meeting with Snape…leaving out any mention of Draco, of course.

            “So. Phase Five: Compliments was a success, though I think others should compliment him to make sure.”

            “But you said something about a Phase Six…”

            Harry nodded. “When I hugged him, he just stood there, stiff. I think we should work on that too.”

            Hermione blinked. “You want people to not only compliment him, but to _hug_ him?”

            Harry nodded. “Think about it, Hermione. Look how far he’s come already.”

            Hermione thought it over. Harry was right. The Potion Master was no longer the surly, frightening presence he had been. Oh, he was still formidable, but he was much more approachable than he had ever been before. She bit her lip.

            “Ron’s going to freak.”

            Harry grinned.

**********************************

            The next day, Harry walked into the common room to find Ron harassing Ginny and her boyfriend, Dean Thomas. Ginny looked like she was getting ready to hex her brother. Dean looked like he was about to faint. Seeing him, Dean sent Harry a pleading look.

            Harry walked over. “Hey, Ron?”

            Ron turned. “Yeah, mate?”

            “Uh, could I talk to you for a minute?” Harry asked.

            Ron shot a glare at Dean, who had been trying to use the distraction to leave. “Right now, Harry?”

            “Well,” Harry said. He leaned close and whispered into Ron’s ear. “You know how you said I could tell you anything?”

            Ron frowned at him. “Yeah?”

            Harry whispered. “Well…Draco has a nice ass, don’t you think?”

            “Ahhh! I don’t want to-NO! The mental images!” Ron ran from the room screaming.

            Ginny looked at Harry in awe. “Harry, what did you say to him?”

            Harry just smiled and shrugged.

********************************

            Hermione took a deep breath and pulled together every trace of Gryffindor courage she possessed.

            “Um, Professor Snape?” she called across the crowded corridor.

            There was some problem in the Great Hall and both student and staff were standing outside waiting to go in to dinner.

            Snape stopped and turned. “Yes, Miss Granger?”

            “Um,” Hermione said. She took another deep breath and walked up to the tall man. “I, uh, just wanted to say I think you are a great teacher and I’m glad you decided to return to Hogwarts this year.”

            The crowded corridor went quiet as the other student’s heard what Hermione said. Snape’s brows rose in surprise.

            “Thank you, Miss Granger,” he said. He started to subtly look for an escape route. The prospect of Hermione Granger having a crush on him was, if possible, even more disturbing than the thought that Harry Potter had a crush on him.

            With one more deep breath, Hermione suddenly leaned forward and, in front of a crowd of other students and professors, hugged Severus Snape. The corridor fell completely silent.

            Severus stared down at the witch in shock. So did everyone else in the corridor, even the Headmaster.

            Hermione tightened her arms. “Professor? I’m not going to let you go until you hug me back.”

            Severus was further shocked. “What?!”

            “I said, I’m not letting go until you hug me back.”

            Everyone watching waited silently, holding their breath. Even Professor McGonagall was too shocked to start lecturing on the impropriety of Miss Granger’s actions.

            Several minutes passed and then, finally, the Potions professor lifted his arms and quickly and stiffly hugged the _obviously_ delusional (or so he thought) witch back.

            She stepped back, smiling brightly. “Well, that wasn’t too bad. Still, we’ll have to work on it, Professor.”

            Severus looked at the witch as if she had lost her mind. Seeing Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley pushing through the crowd and heading his way, Snape decided he was not very hungry at all and quickly left.

            Harry grinned at Hermione and hugged her. While hugging her, he whispered, “Great job! I think we should be able to at least convince the Hufflepuffs…well, some of them…to help us with this phase.”

********************************

            Severus Snape walked through the corridors of Hogwarts with a healthy dose of paranoia. At the sound of footsteps, he ducked behind a suit of armor.

            Ever since the Granger girl had hugged him, more and more people had started to randomly accost him. Even the stern Transfiguration professor, Minerva McGonagall, had hugged him. Meals had become a nightmare. He now had an average of three Hufflepuffs hug him _each meal_.

            The Headmaster had forbidden him to take House points or assign detentions for this ‘obvious sign of people’s appreciation for his presence’ as the Headmaster had called it…right before hugging him.

            He breathed a sigh of relief as the footsteps faded. He stepped from behind the suit of armor. He turned as the suit moved towards him and pulled his wand. “Don’t even think about it!”

*******************************

            Harry looked at the Potions professor. The man had just reassigned him to work with Draco and Harry wanted to thank him, but the man seemed a bit…twitchy. _Better to wait until he’s calmed down a bit_ , Harry thought.

            “Have you and Weasley not made up yet, then?” Draco asked casually from beside Harry.

            Harry turned to him, frowning. “What do you mean?”

            “You two seemed to be…having a difference of opinion the other night when I found you in the dungeons,” Draco said, not looking up from the ingredients he was preparing.

            “Oh, that.” Harry shrugged. “It was really no big deal. He got over it. We are much too important to one another to let a little fight like that come between us for long.”

            It was silent for a bit as they worked on the potion. Several minutes later, as they waited for the potion to simmer, Draco asked, “What about Granger?”

            Harry frowned at him. “What about Hermione?”

            Draco shrugged. “I just thought Weasley was interested in Granger.”

            “Well, yeah. They’ve been going out for almost a year now.”

            Draco frowned. “But what about…? Are you saying you and Weasley have an open relationship or are you three like a triad or something?”

            Harry frowned in confusion and then blinked as he realized what Draco meant. He laughed. “No, it’s not like that! Ron and I are just friends. He’s completely straight and head over heels for Hermione.”

            Draco lifted an eyebrow at him. “ _He’s_ entirely straight? What about you?”

            Harry shrugged. “Well, I am gay, but I’m not attracted to Ron. He’s like a brother to me.” Harry decided to take a chance. He smiled at Draco. “Besides, I prefer blonds.”

            Draco blinked and then blushed.

***********************************

            Harry sat on the couch in the library in Grimmauld Place. Sirius had finally had the placed cleaned up after his exoneration and the death of Voldemort. This Christmas break was the first time Harry had seen it since all of the remodeling and he really liked the changes.

            Although, at that particular moment, Harry wasn’t paying much attention to the décor. He was too busy kissing his new boyfriend.

            Ron sat on a couch across the room and watched in horrified fascination as his best friend kissed the daylights out of _Draco Malfoy_. He still had no idea how Malfoy had ended up at Number 12 with them.

            “Harry!” Hermione burst into the room.

            Harry jerked around at her shout. “Hermione? What-?”

            “Phase _Seven_!”

            Harry’s jaw dropped. Then he closed his mouth, kissed Draco on the cheek and hurried from the room with Hermione.

            Draco and Ron shared bewildered looks. Then they both winced as they realized they had shared a look.

            “What was that all about?” Draco asked when the strained silence became too much.

            “I have no idea,” Ron sighed. “But I think it has something to do with Snape.”

            Meanwhile, Hermione dragged Harry upstairs. After pulling him into her room, she shut the door and placed locking and silencing charms on it.

            “Phase **Seven** , Hermione?” Harry asked excitedly.

            She smiled. “I went down to the kitchen to get everyone one some drinks and I heard voices. Well, I didn’t want to interrupt, but…”

            Harry grinned. “So you eavesdropped. What did you hear?”

            “Remus is here. He was in the kitchen talking to Sirius…about the rumors he has heard of a new and improved Professor Snape…”

            Harry’s brows rose. “I think I know where you are going with this.” He grinned. “Did you have a plan?

            Hermione grinned and nodded. “But we are going to need our boyfriends’ help.”

*********************************

            Severus Snape sat in his living room in the Hogwarts dungeon with his white rabbit in his lap. He petted the rabbit with one hand while holding up his book on optical illusions with the other. It was a quiet evening and he was enjoying the peace of his private chambers.

            The Headmaster had tried to ‘cheer him up’ and ‘get him into the holiday spirit’ and Severus shuddered at the memory. Dumbledore had first turned his black robes bright red with white trim. Then the old man had charmed his buttons to resemble mistletoe. The worse was when the Headmaster had started talking about how, now that Voldemort was dead, Severus could find a nice witch to settle down with who could give him children of his own…while sending lustful looks towards the Transfigurations professor.

            Severus had finally managed to escape to his rooms. It had taken him nearly an hour to set his clothes to rights and all he wanted was for the rest of the evening to pass in peace.

            When the interruption came, Severus jumped. He had been expecting something to put an end to his peace and quiet (that’s the way his life went) but he had not been expecting the interruption to come in the form of a firecall from Hermione Granger.

            “Oh, Professor Snape! I’m so glad you are there. Quick! We need your help!”

            Severus frowned as he carefully set aside his pet and his book. “What is it, Miss Granger?”

            “Oh, ah…” She turned to look behind her at something Severus couldn’t see. “Oh, my god! Draco!” She turned back to the Potions Master. “Please, hurry! We’re at Grimmauld Place.” With that the fireplace returned to normal.

            Fear for his godson out weighed his usual paranoia and Snape quickly Flooed to Number 12. Upon arriving, he stepped out of the fireplace…and straight into the stunning hex being sent his way.

**********************************   

            “Great! Now, Ron, get him on the bed. Draco, how are the charms on the room coming?” Hermione asked.

            “Almost done. They’ll snap into place as soon as the door is closed,” Draco said.

            “Harry?” Hermione asked.

            Harry shook his head. “All quiet downstairs. I don’t think they heard a thing. Or if they did, they probably just figured it was one of us.”

            “No, Ron. Don’t lay him down. Sit him up. Right. Harry?”

            Harry came into the room and performed a strong binding spell on the unconscious man. An equally strong silencing spell followed. “Right. Well, is everyone ready?”

            “Ready,” Hermione said immediately.

            Ron and Draco shared another look at the actions and attitudes of their respective other halves. Seeing said other halves glaring in their direction, both quickly nodded.

            “Okay, then,” Harry said. He turned and revived his Potions professor.

            As Severus came to, he realized he couldn’t move. Opening his eyes, he was surprised to see the group of people staring at him. He raised his eyebrow at the sight of Draco.

            “Sorry, Professor,” Harry said. “I’m afraid the deception was necessary. So are the binding and silencing charms you are currently under. They will be lifted as soon as the charms on the room are activated.”

            Again, Severus raised an eyebrow.

            Harry grinned at him. “Once the door to the room is closed, it won’t open again for twelve hours. There is a bathroom over there,” Harry said, pointing. “And we’ve left plenty of food and drinks on the table over there,” Harry said, pointing in a different direction. “They have the appropriate heating and cooling charms so everything will be good whenever you decide to eat.”

            “You’ll notice you are in a bedroom,” Hermione said, picking up where Harry left off. “So, of course, if you get tired, feel free to rest.”

            Severus turned his eyes to the two who had so far remained quiet. The Weasley boy was making a gurgling sound and blushing. Draco looked pained. Noticing his godfather’s look, Draco sent him a sympathetic smile.

            “Of course,” Hermione said, drawing Snape’s attention back to her. “We don’t want you to think we are doing this just to hold you prisoner or something. Really, you are here as a guest.”

            Severus raised his eyebrow at that.

            Harry chuckled. “Trust us. Now, have we covered everything?” He looked at his coconspirators.

            Ron and Draco shared a look. Hermione said innocently, “I don’t know, Harry. What if he gets lonely?”

            Harry nodded. “You are right, Hermione. We should do something about that.” They shared a look.

            Severus began to get really worried. That really didn’t sound good.

            “Everyone, get in position,” Hermione said.

            Severus watched the four young people file out. He sat on the bed and frantically tried to find a way to escape.

************************************

            Harry and Hermione left Draco and Ron in their positions in the upstairs hall and went down to the kitchen. Hermione waited out of sight as Harry ducked his head into the kitchen.

            “Hey, Sirius? Could I talk to you a minute? Oh, hi, Remus!” Harry smiled at the two older men.

            Remus gave Harry a rather sad smile. “Hello, Harry.”

            Harry frowned. “Is something wrong, Remus?”

            Remus shook his head, but Sirius said, “Yes.” When Remus glared at him, Sirius just shrugged. “You want to know if the rumors are true then why not ask Harry? He has been at Hogwarts these past few months, too.”

            “What rumors?” Harry asked curiously.

            “Nothing. It’s nothing, Harry,” Remus said, blushing.

             Sirius rolled his eyes. “The rumors about Snape.”

            “Which rumors?” Harry asked innocently.

            Sirius held up his hand and started counting them off. “The one about how he’s much nicer. The one about him being much more approachable. The one about him seeing someone.” Sirius gave Remus a pointed look.

            “Oh. Well, the first two are true. But he’s definitely not seeing anyone,” Harry said casually. He hid his grin when Remus perked up.

            “Great,” Sirius muttered. “Now you can go back to pining for him rather than moping about because he’s seeing someone.”

            Remus glared at him.

            “Um,” Harry said, interrupting. “Sirius? That talk…?”

            “Oh, right. Sorry, Harry. What did you need?”

            “Well,” Harry bit his lip and sent Remus an apologetic look. “Could you step out here a moment?”

            Both men looked surprised and Remus looked a little hurt. Harry consoled himself that he would make it up to Remus.

            As soon as the kitchen door was closed behind Sirius, Hermione stunned him from her hiding spot. She and Harry quickly moved him up stairs and put him on the couch in the library.

            After they locked Sirius in, Hermione moved to the top of the stairs leading down to the kitchen and suddenly let up a loud scream. Remus rushed up the stairs.

            “Hermione? What is it? What’s wrong?” Remus asked in concern.

            Hermione wrung her hands and looked distraught. “Oh, Remus. It was awful. Professor Snape arrived and he-oh he looked so bad!”

            Remus paled. “What? Where is he? What happened?”

            Hermione bit her lip. “I had Ron and Draco take him upstairs to the room you always use. I-” She didn’t get to say anything more as Remus ran up the stairs.

            Harry and Hermione followed quickly. They arrived just in time to see Remus rush to the room. He stopped in the doorway in confusion, seeing Severus sitting up on the bed unharmed.

            Ron, who had been hiding under the invisibility cloak, gave him a shove and he stumbled into the room. Draco, from his hiding place, quickly used his wand to shut the door.

            The four gathered outside the closed door.

            “Um, Remus?” Harry asked. “Well, I hope you can forgive us for our little deception. We tricked Professor Snape into being here too. Like we told him, the charms on the room will prevent you from leaving for the next twelve hours.”

            “Um, what we may have failed to mention,” Hermione said, “was that after ten minutes, the silencing charms go into effect. We, ah, left you two with anything you might need. Um, _anything_.”

            “Don’t be afraid to look into the bedside tables,” Harry said. “Though the one on the left is best left for until you two are feeling…adventurous.”

            “Well, um, good night!” Hermione said.

            The four went downstairs to revive and explain to Sirius.

**********************************

            Remus and Severus were still in shock as they stared at each other. Remus had blushed bright red at the implication they would be needing…anything form a bedside table. He really tried not to dwell on what could possibly be in the one on the left…or how much he really wished he might have a reason to find out.

            The sound of fading footsteps broke through Remus’ shock. He spun towards the door. “Harry?” he called desperately. When he received no response he turned to the man still sitting on the bed. He blushed again. “Um, I’m really sorry about this, Severus.”

            “Well,” Snape drawled. “It could be much worse. When they suggested they would leave me with company I shuddered to think of what they were planning. Given the location I had worried I was about to be locked in a room with Black.”

            Remus blinked. “Um, well.” He frowned as something occurred to him. “I wonder where Sirius is? Harry had said he wanted to talk to him…but if Harry did **this** …”

            Snape raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think Black was in on it?”

            Remus shook his head. “No, absolutely not. He…um, never mind. I just know he wouldn’t have helped with this.”

            Snape nodded once, sharply. After a few moments of silence, he said, half to himself, “Damn. I forgot about Jared.”

            “Jared?” Remus asked. He felt his stomach drop.

            “Yes. I just left him all alone in my private chambers.” Severus frowned fiercely.

            “Oh,” Remus said quietly.

**********************************

            Sirius opened his eyes and frowned. He was lying on a couch in the library. Why was he lying on the couch…? The last thing he remembered, Harry had wanted to talk to him…

            “Sirius?” Harry’s worried face came into Sirius’ view.

            “Harry?” Sirius frowned. “What happened?”

            “Um,” Harry said, giving his friends a look. “Well, Hermione stunned you.”

            Sirius blinked. “Ah.” He paused a moment. “Why?”

            “Er,” Harry said.

            Sirius sat up and looked at the four young people gathered around him. He frowned. “Where’s Remy?”

            There was a long silence. Sirius’ frown deepened.

            Finally, Ron blurted out, “He’s upstairs.”

            Sirius shook his head. “Okay. What’s going on?”

            “Well,” Hermione said and then bit her lip.

            Harry sighed. “He’s upstairs in his bedroom…with Professor Snape.”

            Sirius was shocked. “What?! How long was I unconscious?!”

*******************************

            Upstairs, Remus sat on the bed some distance away from Severus. The mischievous foursome had taken the chairs from the room.

            “So, uh,” Remus said, “do you think, ah, Jared will be upset? That you won’t return tonight, I mean.”

            Severus gave him a strange look. “What?”

            “Well, you said you were upset because you left ‘Jared’ alone. How, uh, how long have you two been seeing each other, anyway?” Remus asked. Casually, he hoped.

            Severus blinked and then, to Remus shock, laughed. “Jared is not someone I’m seeing. He is…” Severus hesitated and then shrugged. “Jared is the name of my pet.”

            Remus perked up. “Pet?” _Not boyfriend?_

            Severus nodded.

            Remus moved closer, but then hesitated. He had to be sure. “So, you aren’t seeing anyone, then?” He again hoped his question came across as casual.

            “No,” Severus said dryly. “What about you, Lupin? Have you and Black decided to put everyone out of their misery and set a date already?” Severus was hoping his question came across as casual. It certainly did not escape his notice that Lupin was even sexier than he had been when they were students. It was torture for Severus to have to see him every meal in the Great Hall again and know the man was probably going home to Black each night.

            Remus frowned. “A date? A date for what-?” He blinked as he realized what Severus was implying. “Are you kidding?” Remus asked, shocked. “Sirius is as straight as Lucius Malfoy. As impossible as it may seem in either case.”

            Severus snickered. Lucius had always had men chasing after him, but he was absolutely straight. Severus remembered one time, while they were both at Hogwarts, when he had caught Lucius using the girls’ bathroom in order to avoid amorous advances of interested boys. He still teased the blond about that.

            “Why would you think Sirius and I…?” Remus asked, confused. He and Sirius had always been close, but he never thought anyone would think they were more than friends.

            Severus raised an eyebrow. “It was well known when we were in school that you and Black were an on-again/off-again couple. And the Headmaster mentioned you had been living with him for years now. I had just assumed the two of you were continuing…your relationship.”

            “Sirius and I have never-! We are just friends!” Remus said.

            “Really?” Severus asked.

            “Really,” Remus said firmly.

            Severus looked at Remus for a moment. “Then you aren’t seeing anyone…?”

            Remus blushed and shook his head. “Uh, no. I’m not seeing anyone.”

            Severus again just looked at Remus for a moment. When the werewolf turned his head to look at him, he leaned forward and kissed him.

            Remus was shocked to feel Severus’ lips touch his, but he got over it quickly and grabbed the other man’s shoulders and returned the kiss.

**********************************

            “And now Remy and _Snape_ are upstairs, in Remy’s bedroom, and they can’t leave for twelve hours?!” Sirius asked incredulously.

            “Um, well, yes,” Hermione said.

            “Look at it this way, Sirius,” Harry said. “We just played a really good trick on you, Remy _and_ Snape. And if things go the way we think they will you won’t have to see Remy moping or pining anymore.”

            Sirius thought about it for a moment and then grinned. “Way to go, Harry!”

***********************************

            Harry, Draco, Ron, Hermione and Sirius were downstairs in the kitchen having lunch when Remus and Severus came in…holding hands.

            Sirius noticed and just gave a sigh of resignation. Harry and Hermione traded grins and Ron and Draco shared a resigned look.

            Remus and Severus sat down at the table and joined the group for lunch. They sat close and shared numerous casual touches.

            Finally, Sirius couldn’t stand it any longer. “Snape, if you hurt him I will hunt you down and make you think fondly of Voldemort,” Sirius said before turning back to his food.

            Remus just shook his head.

            “Just ignore him. Let’s eat and get back to Hogwarts. I am looking forward to meeting Jared,” Remus said.

            Harry and Hermione looked at each other and then back to the new couple. “Jared?” they asked together.

            Snape snorted. “My pet.”

            Hermione smiled brightly at him. “You named him ‘Jared’?”

            “Yes,” Snape said in resignation.

            Hermione turned to Harry. “And _you_ said we should have gotten a Furby!” she said triumphantly.

            “I’m not certain I even want to know what a Furby is,” Severus said with a sigh.

            “Well,” Harry said sympathetically, “If it will make you feel better, you can help with our next project…”

            Snape raised an eyebrow. Harry grinned and motioned towards Sirius with his eyes. Severus’ brows rose in surprise.

            Harry grinned and leaned forward until only Severus and Remus could hear.

            “Sirius and Tonks have been dancing around each other for years. Hermione and I thought we would give them a hand.”

            Severus smirked and Remus and Harry grinned. All three turned to look at Sirius. He looked up and caught them looking at him. All three laughed at the look of horror and panic that crossed his face.

**Author's Note:**

> The song Harry and Hermione were listening to was Alice Cooper's No More Mr. Nice Guy. XD
> 
>  
> 
> **Also, Sirius and Tonks are not related for the purposes of this fic! Thank you~


End file.
